The Dentist by Gerrit Van Honthorst, c. 1622 (This is a real 17th century painting! Though I think I understand why I've never actually seen hanging in a dentist's office.)
Yesterday I had my bi-annual trip to the dentist. Joy. And in this case I mean loathing when I say joy. As I was laying there having my teeth scraped and poked and polished I narrowed down just what it is I hate about it all. First, the x-rays. Those suck big time because I have an overdeveloped gag reflex and cannot help myself from choking horribly on the plasticy-whatever-things you have to bite down on during the x-rays. My eyes were watering and I was trying my hardest to breath through my nose and go to my happy place (usually Forks or the Swiss Alps), but as hard as I tried I still gagged and sputtered and choked and the poor x-ray tech had to keep repositioning the bite-thingies. By the end of the x-rays I started to feel like I was a member of a terrorist cell and the x-ray technician was a scrubs wearing Jack Bauer. Seriously, do CIA operatives use dental x-rays in interrogations? I think it might work. That all said, I'm glad I got it done so that I don't have to do it for another 5 years. Next on the list is the broken conversations that the hygienists and dentists try to have with you. They are working on your teeth making it clearly unable for you to talk, but they still ask you questions. Questions that require more than a nod or shake of the head, like for instance "where did you go to college and what did you study?" I know the hygienist was just trying to put me at ease, but wow how to you answer that with your mouth wide open without drooling or biting her finger. I nodded and grunted "BYU" and "Art History" and felt very silly. You can't tell someone about your love of art history when they are scraping away or polishing with that whirly toothbrush. Then there is the actual scraping part. Ooh it gives me the eeby-jeebies just thinking about it, but the feel and sound of metal scraping teeth is nasty. During the nastiest bits of the metal-scrapping-teeth part we had a very one-sided conversation about the mining tragedy in WV. Sad and horrible - I thinks that's what I open-mouthed grunted. Then there's the music. Always Lite FM. I'm afraid I will always associate poor Phil Collins and now Taylor Swift with dental work. The visit ended with a new silver toothbrush and an appointment to do it all again (minus the Jack Bauer interrogation) in 6 months.
I don't mean to be a hater. I am really very grateful for dentists and hygienists and I am thankful that because of them I don't have gum disease or halitosis. And the dental practice that we go to is wonderful. The whole office is full of very kind and friendly people and they are great with my kids. I like the feeling after my teeth are cleaned and how shiny and smooth they are. That all is great. It's just that there are very uncomfortable parts to dental visits and the truth is I wish teeth would stay nice without dentists, which is a very silly wish I know.
On a related note we are currently pricing out different orthodontist practices for Sophie and she will soon get braces. Crazy! I am seriously amazed by how much orthodontics has changed since I had braces. The orthodontist that we had a consultation with yesterday uses these cool springy devices which make it so you don't have to wear a head-gear! Awesome. And Sophie is excited to get braces and I've decided not to burst her excitement bubble with any of my horrible orthodontist stories (honestly those stories are wherein I developed and honed my current loathing of dentistry).
That big pot has about 36 cups of meat sauce in it - my arm still hurts from stirring, but it's one tasty sauce so it's worth it. Oh and just in case you want it this was the recipe I used. Isn't there something satisfying about those foil containers of lasagna lined up and labeled?!
